If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
