he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
