i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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