Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
