This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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