I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
