No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
