hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
