i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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