I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So. Much. Porn.
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