The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
are you so shy because you have an std?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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