There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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