I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
