Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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