My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
