can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
