You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
