he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
