how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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