It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
