Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
