turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
