I'm jealous of your bromance
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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