that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
