the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
