dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
