Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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