Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
