mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
