I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize