guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
