The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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