I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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