Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
