There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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