Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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