Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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