paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
