We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
