two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
