Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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