my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
