I think I just saw someone hide a body.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
