We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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