I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
