If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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