Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
