I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
