The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
