I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
