I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
