you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
