Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
