I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
