just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
