I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize