My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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