When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
