I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
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