she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
