it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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