Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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