apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
