Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
