In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
