Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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