I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize