I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
