Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
