Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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