Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
