Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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