Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it hurts more in the daytime
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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