When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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