So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
