Ambien. No doubt about it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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