he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize