you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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