I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
