Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
